Having Harper

I got my biggest Christmas wish on time/early. I asked that Harper to be here before Christmas. My water broke at 12:01 Saturday December 21st, and had her almost 9 hours later at 8:58 am. (Two mins before visiting hours) even though it went fast in my mind it was long n tough. My Dad and Kathy Jaremy and my mom were with me through the whole thing. It got pretty scary when her heart beat would take a huge dip at times. It only got worse after my epidural. It took them 4 tries in the beginning just to give me IV fluids. They actually ended up blowing out three veins, until the fourth just had to go in my arm crease. The did that via catheter.

They had me on oxygen, epidural, internal fetal heart monitor (twice because they accidentally pulled it out) and a urine catheter, and amniotic-infusion. Not to mention they had me in the hands and knees position for most of my delivery process. Imagine not being able to feel your stomach and legs but having to kneel on your legs for 5+ hours. I had to breathe deeply every time her heartbeat dipped. Which usually was while I was having a contraction that I couldn't even feel. They talked to me about a possible c-section then came back and said they may be able to hold off unless her heartbeat dipped 3-4 more times. Which gave me maybe another 4 hours.

Unfortunately things didn't go as I hoped. They came in n told me I had to have a c section to save Harper's life because what was actually wrong was her umbilical cord was around her neck, my contractions were constricting the cord cutting off her oxygen supply. They suited Jaremy up and wheeled me down to the OR prepped me up and brought Jaremy in to sit at my head behind a big blue curtain he held my hand. The surgeon said here we go, cut me open and they struggled hard and worked very fast to get her out.

I felt no pain but felt pressure and tugging and pulling they got her head out cleared her nose and mouth then pulled her out the rest of the way. I didn't get to see her face right away which was okay with me I saw them cleaning her off then her her cry. I guess Jaremy brought her to me but I don't remember a lot because I was freaking out about chest pain. Which was just air that entered my abdomen. She was taken to the nursery and was given her first bath by Jaremy. Eventually I ended up in a recovery room.

I think I was asleep at some point because I don't remember the trip to the room. Then they gave me nasal oxygen and brought Harper in for me to hold her for the first time. My eyes were pretty blurry but I could make out Harper's face more than anything else. I don't even remember who was in the room when I held her. Everything was a bit foggy to me but as far as how Harper got here that's my end of the story.

Livin' On the Edge

I've lived on the out skirts of the city all my life, not quite out the city but not in it so much so that we have to recycle and have cement curbs. I have always wanted to be one of those country bumpkin redneck girls, I cant say that is completely me, but I've had my fair share of that life style. I hung out in the garage with dad, I can change my own tire, do my own spark plugs and with some help maybe even do my own piston rings. I've driven 3 wheelers and quads and played in the mud. I've shot a gun and drank a few beers or so. But my personality has always been kinda off with it. I am or well if I had the money I would be a materialistic kinda girl. I love to paint my nails, and cut style and color hair. I am every bit girly girl as I am a country bumpikn redneck. To get to the point of this...I want to ride a Harley Davidson. I have been into this tv show called Son's of Anarchy and I love the bikes on there. My family rides motorcycles as well. I got to thinkin about what it would be like to ride with my aunt Traci and uncle Jim and maybe even my cousin Jessica.  i want to learn how to ride and I want there to be something more to me. I feel like all I have to offer is company and small entertainment. I'm not saying I wanna ride because it'll make me look cool...but I want people to know that there are more things about me that might come as a shock to them but its who I've always been, I've just chose not to shine. but if any of you are intersted in what I want to ride...I have two favorites. They are Harley Davidson Sportster models and I am kinda leaning towards one more than the other and have high hopes that its a perfect bike for me. This is my favorite.

Just a reminder...

In case I ever do have a kid I never want to forget the names I like.

Boy: Gander Edward? Bax

Girl: Lakelynn Ann Bax, or Lakelynn Adabelle Bax or Adabelle Lakelynn Ann Bax or a name I like that could work for both genders, Harper CheyeAnn Bax for a girl or Harper Embry Bax for a boy.

Update:

 I don't like Harper for a boy, that's weird.

We did end up having a daughter (even though I told myself I never would have kids) We named her Harper Lynn Bax.

(I'm telling myself no more kids now(in fact I am getting the 3-year Nexplanon today, Tuesday, March 4th 2014) BUT In case there is ever another "oops" knowing my luck I'd have another girl I would name her Hallie Ann Bax.

If by chance I did have a boy, I would still stick with the name Gander James Bax. (But Lil' Josh used James as the middle name :/, so maybe not) or Gander Edward Bax. Note: Papa's middle name is Wilbur. So maybe Gander Wilbur Bax?

But if I wanted to stick to the H's and had a boy I'd still want Gander for the first name and maybe a middle name that doubles as a nick name that starts with H?

Gander Hunter Bax, Gander Hendrix Bax, Gander Harvey Bax.

IF I wanted his name starting with an H, then Maybe Hurley Gander Bax, Hendrix Gander Bax, Hunter Gander Bax,

You said you know exactly who I am.

You know those places you call home, and it feels as if it's the only place that exists in your world? Well this picture of me in this place was my home away from home. It was like a second home to me. It was the only world where I cared about every little detail there and it was the only world in which held the people I care most deeply for. If I weren't here at this place then I was reminiscing the memory of it. This was a time to get to know who I am. This picture was the last year before my world as I had know it to be had its last run as our world. Only months after this picture, this place, our people, lost a very dear person. My dad's best friend Paul Pemberton. He and many others were the ones who made this place feel like home to me. Life was like a celebration for Paul. Every weekend he surrounded himself with his friends and family. Paul was the kind of guy who etched himself into your memory and tugged on your heart. Even in death he continues to do so when memories that you'd thought you'd forgotten had flashed over your eyes. Memories so meaningful that when you recall them, its almost like your reliving through it, so vivid. He is lost but not forgotten. Carpe Diem "Seize the Day".

He wasn't the first of our "next to kin" to go.  We lost 3 "uncles" in 3 years. First loss was Jimi Pemberton. He was like a kid magnet. All of us kids, as soon as we saw him, we were running to him to give him the worlds biggest hug. He was a kid at heart and he grew up right along with us. To us kids, it was like losing one of our best friends. When one of us kids would fight with the other, he was there to fix it and remind us of why we were friends, and that it would never change. He never let us down. Not even now. Sometimes I think that when their is a drift between us kids or when there is a tiff, I think he is still here reminding us of why we are friends and that nothing in this world could change that. "I am watching over you from the stars, Don't be scared, I know exactly where you are, Cause there is a piece of me and its burning in your heart, Even death could never tear us apart." 

We lost Trent Price a year after Jimi. To know that we had lost another scared me. I thought we were cursed or God hated us. I didn't know Trent as well as the others had, I was well aware when he was around though. Trent jus has one of those laughs that you could never forget. Its like Paul with the memory...you think you can forget a person's voice...Trent was someone's voice you couldn't forget. His laugh grew on everyone. I swear I heard him laugh clear across the lake on more than one occasion. That wasn't the only thing you couldn't forget about Trent. He knew how to throw a party and he suited it for both kids and adults. My greatest memory of him was when he tracked down 

the Ice Cream man on his 3 wheeler and asked the 

ice cream man to follow him he brought that ice cream truck right down to the lake. All of us kids were so excited when he said "Pick anything you want, but just one thing". He didn't get a thanks, he got hugs. He even brought horses down to the lake!-------------------------------------------> That was so awesome! "Live for today, tomorrow's not promised."

That was my entire world that place with those people. It means nothing if those people can't be there with me. I wouldn't be the person I am today if i hadn't met any of those people. I try to imagine what my life would be like without them. It wouldn't be hard to guess that if i hadn't met them I wouldn't have met Jaremy. I'd probably be sportin' two kids and not knowing who the father was, and doing god knows what kid of drugs and probably not even have graduated. I would've left home and lived with friends. People say well your mom and dad wouldn't have allowed it...but who knows in that life I probably wouldn't have cared what they said. 

It makes me furious when people say that I wasn't brought up in the right environment. Too much drinking, smoking and too much parties, as they say. If you had been there through all of it you would have seen that I was having the time of my life I wasn't off getting into trouble. I can tell you being 22, I have drank yes, but I have never gotten drunk off my ass. I didn't smoke weed until I was 19, and I didn't make it a habit and continue to smoke it either. Forget about changing my ways when it comes to Parties. That's one of the few things I picked up through life. It makes me who I am. It's my way of celebrating life like Paul always had, and being a kid at heart like Jimi was, and having the biggest heart and open arms like Trent did. You will never take that away from me. 

Those people made me proud of who I am today. They helped me see life as it should be. "Life is my party...and so far it's awesome!" If there were a Machine where our memories could be put on display, I'd play my whole life with those people just to help you understand why I love them so much. Why I cherish my memories and that "environment". I think you'd fall in love with each and every memory and wish it were your own. Maybe the bad light that's be spread upon me by some people would change as well. Its not that I care what you think anyways, because I like my life, those people, and that place where I grew up. You can't change that. No one can. But for anyone who doesn't want to change that about me...then you already know I love you.